Friday, November 30, 2012

Race Info:

Race Location: Dorias Park corner of Mound and Outer drive

(Park on the south side of the park on Outer Drive) Google Map Link:

Note: Dorias is not the nicest neighborhood, please take special care to keep your car locked and secured to avoid theft.

Race times:

10AM : Racing Greyhounds Team Point Series CX

11:15AM : Detroit Invitational Cyclocross (the race you will be competing in) (I know I said 11, but I'm buying myself 15 minutes for regestration)

Post race after party and Prize presentation at Kuhnhenn's Brewery (5919 Chicago Road Warren, MI 48092 (586) 979-8361) Map link:


Prior to the race, riders will be expected to check in at the Blue KHS Tent at the top of the hill & pick up their number plate and Timing chip. The chip may be on a plastic card that will need to be tie-rapped to the seat or handlebars... or it may be a sticker that will be placed on your helmet. If the chip is too close to metal, it may not register. Prior to the race, please ride through the timing tent to test your chip.

-This year we will have a Ladies division. I will make a game time decision as to if they they start before, after, or with the boys

We will accept "Day of" registration, but will serve preregistered riders first. Preregistration ends about 6pm on Friday.

The number plate is provided by Road ID. There is a stub with a spot for your name for a raffle at the bottom. Please fill in your name and leave it in the raffle jar. (we will give away Merch & Swag at the after Party at kuhnhenn's) The left side is preferred, but to be honest, Ive got bigger worries & I wont make a big deal about it. Number plate should be pinned to the racers jersey in such a way that it does not break the skin and cause discomfort... there will be plenty of discomfort in during the race.

As the promoter I retain the right to reject entry for any bicycle that I deem too much of a piece of shit to race in my race. All recumbants are automatically disqualified on that principle. Mtn bikes are allowed provided they do not have bar ends positioned in such a way that they may

Cheating - Is Strongly discouraged! By cheating I mean cutting the course or riding in a manner that limits, obstructs or endangers your fellow racers or the fans. That's pretty much it. First offenses will result in a stop & Go penalty, further violations will result in disqualification... unless you are so behind that it really doesnt matter.

Tandems count as one bike, but have two riders. They will recieve one card per lap, but have to do two shots if they take the Tequila Shot shortcut. (just in case it comes up)

The race:

The race Will be approximatly 45 minutes, we will take the time of the first lap and approximate the number of laps to the finish of the race. The laps remaining will be displayed on a clip board near the Start/Finish Line. the Start of the last lap, the race promotors will yell "One to Go" so listen for it! Prizes will be awarded to the first three racers to cross the line after the last lap (The race promoter retains the right to cut the race short for impending emergencies such as overly inclemet weather or law enforcement intervention.

Race officials will request alert racers to the start ten minutes before the race.

The Course:

The Course Will be marked with Flags & caution tape. It should be fairly intuitive but if you have questions, please ask before the race. FYI the course will run Counter clockwise. The caution tape will be be on shorter stakes than you are are accustom... this is one of the cost concessions we had to make in order to keep the entry fees low. We dont think it is that big of a deal. Remember barriers are meant to be crossed and tape not to be crossed.

There are a few unique features within the course that are listed below:

Prologue - Racers will line up at the starting line, follow the race promoters instructions and complete half a lap. First competitor to cross the Start/Finish line will win a preem (prize) The starting line will be the on the concrete pad at the top of the Soapbox derby hill.

The Tequila Shot Shortcut - If a racer so chooses, they may opt to take the "Tequila shot short-cut". This option replaces about a hundred yards and a set of barriers in exchange for a shot of tequila. The entrance to the TSS is to the left hand side of the start finish line. You must come to a complete stop, clip out at least one foot, do your shot, then proceed after you are instructed. If you so wish, you may take the shortcut every lap. (we don't encourage it) Please dont inquire as to the quality of the tequila. If the supply of Tequila runs out, the promoter reserves the right to replace it with an equally vile and intoxicating substance.

-Minors are forbidden by law from taking advantage of the tequila shot shortcut and shouldn't even be in the race.

Draw Poker:

In addition to the traditional "Race" there will be a draw poker game. Starting with the completion of the first lap, riders will have an opportunity to grab a standard playing card from one of our three lovely "Dealers" standing at the start/Finish line. One card per bike/ per lap. At the end of the race the racer with the best five card Poker hand will win. Faster riders may collect more than five cards (one for each lap finished) giving them an advantage of more cards to select their hand, but only the top five cards will count (except in the case of tiebreakers) Winner gets a free growler of their choice from Kuhnhenn's Brewery.

-Because of the number of racers we will have to use multiple decks, so improbable hands such as "five Aces" is possible and will be scored accordingly.

-The Tequila shot shortcut will not prevent you from collecting a card for each lap.

-If you drop or lose your cards while on the course and someone picks them up "finders keepers - losers weepers" rules apply. A card is fair game anywhere outside of the concrete Start/Finish platform.

-Spectators may pick up dropped cards provided they hold them up for a handout that is available to all riders.
Dollar / Beer / Bacon grabs:

Are awesome and encouraged!
Registration Fee:

There is none, this race is free (as in beer)... The race is a sponsored by the Racing Greyhounds & Cycle to fitness in Livonia as a special thank you to everyone that we race against. We also get a ton of help from "The Mower Gang" the awesome group of guys that mow parks in Detroit because the city can't aford to to do it themselves. As a result, they keep the rat population down and give the kids a place to play. We'll have a donation Jar for the Mowergang, We figured that it would be good to throw a few bucks their way for gas money. Without them, this event wouldnt happen.

If you would like to help set up, I will be at the park around 8am to set up the track. bring a hammer & Staple Gun and I'll put you to work.

If it's more your style to throw a six pack to the people that put this race together, we are down with that.

...Plus any rules that I can think of between now and then!

If you have questions, email me at

See you saturday

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I'm clearly ready for this....

I did my first real CX race last Sunday (yes, in that snow) so I'm clearly ready for this one.

... clearly, you have no idea what you have just gotten yourself into. 

I love the naivety of this statement.   To me, this is like a college freshmen, attending her first frat party, saying to her roomate: "I know how to drink, the pastor gives us wine at comunion" 

To me,  This is like witnessing a hallmark moment.  A young lad, one race under his belt.  Beaming with confidence... Uunknowingly, he will soon be forced to go way beyond his comfort zone.  If he survives the experience, he will have gained a wider understanding of himself and the universe (as well as a Facebook status that may include photos of him doing bumps of adderall off the boots of a dominatrix*)

In all seriousness, the course is tough.  Unfortunatly there is not enough time to improve your fitness base. 

Speaking of assertive women, the ladies class has expanded to seven very well qualified racers.  I'd like to get it above 10.  I think I'll throw in a gift certificate to "Title 9" to sweeten the pot.

Still accepting registration for both Women & Men.  Keep them coming!

The Cx Czar

*don't judge... it could be you.... better unfriend Mom & Dad just in case

Monday, November 26, 2012

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday!!

It's a week before the race, and I'm happy to say that I have more racers registered that we had last year.  Also we have great participation from last years top ten, including last years champion, Jesse Gould, who was being gapped by about 10-20 seconds per lap by Andrew Demay.  Jesse made a tactical decision to use the Tequila Shot Shortcut the last few laps to snatch victory in the final lap.

I am overjoyed that the Tequila Shot Shortcut is significant enough that it comes into play on race day.  Sure it was originally intended as a novelty.  Somewhere I read a article that a good cyclocross track should force the rider to make decisions.  (even if there are no good alternatives)  Speaking objectively, the section avoided by the shortcut is a god-awful section of track.  Out and back with a nice climb.  It will suck the life out of you faster than a co-dependent relationship.  Typically the TSS will buy about 30-45 seconds against an elite rider, 2-3 days against a sport clydesdale. 

The registration emails have contained a lot of big talk about utilizing the TSS.  All I can say is, there are cyclists, and there are drinkers, very few can do both well at the same time. 

Remember, Talk is cheap... and so is our Tequila!

Last years Top Ten: 

1 Gould, Jesse - In
2 Demey, Andrew - Unconfirmed
3 Riggs, Paul  - In
4 Seaman, Michael - In
5 Teitelbaum, Jake  - Unconfirmed
6 Marxer, Damon - Unconfirmed
7 Oday, Ken - In
8 Poirier, Jeff - In
9 Manges, David - In
10 Snyder, Collin - Unconfirmed

Monday, November 19, 2012

The applications are rolling in!

The application letters are rolling in, this year's Invitational promises to have the highest attendance yet.  A standout letter came from canadian Matt Carson:

Hey Czar, I would love to be a part of your CX race, because, well…if anyone knows how to drink beer, eat bacon and ride a bike in $hit weather, it’s a Canadian.  I’m a 30-something father of two, and I need to get out of my house for a few hours, just to have some fun!!
Matt also added: 

I’ve actually HAD sex with a real-live girl.
I thought that was implied with being a father, but I'm glad that he clarified that the girl was both real and alive.  Though it is the policy of the Detroit Invitational Cyclocross not to descriminate against individuals based on their sexual preferences and or performance.  (though, it is well documented that racing cyclocross will transform you into a sexual tyranasaurus)

Speaking of sexual  tyranasaurus, self proclaimed 2012 Detroit Invitational Ladies Champion, Adrian O'Day is calling out all female competitors.  Last year she ran with the boys and held her own. If we can get 5 ladies to pre register by saturday, I'll put together a special prize package.

Keep those applications coming!

Jeff Wood
Aka: the CX Czar

Thursday, November 15, 2012

DICX 2012 Tshirt Design!

Huge thanks for Natalie at Ducky Detroit for the great job she did on the T-shirt design for this years Cyclocross Race.  I can't tell you how much I love this design.  It's a variation of the City of detroit Flag.  These shirts will be available for purchase at the Race (Dec. 1 2012).  Winners of the race will also get a complementary shirt.  ( well as fame, fortune and an unlimited supply of willing sexual partners)

We are a couple weeks away and I am starting to wind up the hype machine.  Ive recieved quite a few requests for registration.  If you want to register, just email me at (don't cost nuthin)