Friday, October 10, 2014

Fifth Annual Detroit Invitational Cyclocross - November 29th, 2014

"You've turned something that we did for a lark into a monumental waste of time" 

~ William Shatner

Five years... That's how long I've been putting on this race.  Five years... That's longer than the typical life-cycle of a bottom bracket standard.  Five effing years!  Not that I've ever gotten laid as a result of this race, but if i did, I'd be enrolling the little bastard in kindergarten.
I'm not quite sure where the time went.  

What started out modestly as a stupid, drunk, high gesture on someone's part to meet the growing wave of unjustified resentment toward USA cycling and the UCI; has grown into a slightly larger stupid drunk, high, gesture with adequate restroom facilities!  Granted, I get several emails a year encouraging me to grow the Detroit Invitational Cyclocross to be bigger than Iceman.

That's not the point.

Not that there is much of a point.  The objective has always been simply to have fun, especially if that involves mocking ourselves a bit in the process.  As a result, it's kind of evolved into our own twisted inside joke. The mutant child of a group hug, bachelorette party and self-inflicted fraternity hazing.  If Five years from now the race resembles something more along the lines of of a bee gees reunion tour/ Jai alai tournament with Morressey & Nikki Minaj standing in for Robin and Maurice, then so be it!

I put the race on for purely selfish reasons, namely because if causes me an incredible amount of Joy.  Judging by the feedback and assistance I get throughout the year, I'm not alone.    

Today I got an email explaining the viability of a flaming barrier by utilizing off the shelf grilling equipment and a standard propane tank. - Joy

Yesterday I got an email from a friend with a Liquor store connection, who claimed that he could get me a deal on the several half gallons of low grade brake cleaner that is used in the tequila shot shortcut. - Joy!

Sunday, I had someone come up to me and thank me.  He mentioned Last year's race was his first cyclocross race and he had the best time.  That is the most rewarding of all.

It's all silly fun, It doesn't have to be the biggest, craziest, most epic race of the year.  But somehow it turns out to be.  Anyway on to the announcements:

The Fifth running of the Detroit Invitational will be held:
Saturday, November 29th 2014
Races start at 10am
Saturday after Thanksgiving

This year marks the first year we will have multiple classes.  Each classes will have their own start wave and prizes.  Prizes will be of generally equal value for all classes, with exceptions leaning toward the ladies class, because they tend to class up the joint.

The classes are as follows:
  • Ladies
  • Gentlemen Racer (Cat4 & slower) 
  • Over-competitive Prick (Cat3 & faster) 

Please Specify what class in which you would like to compete.  We will use the honor system, and I am under the belief that this will be incredibly self explanatory.   Given that it is more of an state of mind than an ability.  Now, say if Jeremy Powers emails me and tells me that he wants to wear his "Katy Perry Farrell" costume  and race the gentlemen's race while singing a medley of "Firework" and "Been caught stealing" Who am I to stop him?  Grantes, I will expect him to act like a 'gentleman' and sandbagging is not very gentlemanly... get my drift?  I reserve the right to reassign people as I see fit.  So if you are a Cat5 with carbon rims barking at a guy in a hot dog costume, reaching for a hand-up  to "hold his line", prepare to get downgraded/ upgraded whatever.

I promised to "Incentivize" costumes and custom skinsuits.  So this year, if you wear a costume, you will get a voucher for one (1) free pass through the tequila shot Shortcut without actually having to ingest whatever god-awful fluid we put in front of you.   Custom skinsuits get two (2) free passes.  Skinsuits should be hand made, modified or something no one has ever seen before, but not part of a regular team kit.  For example, last years "Bikini" skinsuit would qualify, but the "Velvet Elvis flying chicken" skinsuit would not.  I have final say, and my opinion on appeals can be influenced positively with gifts of malt beverages.

I'll be posting more messages as the day approaches.


The CX Czar.