Monday, November 4, 2013

Never give up the Chocolate Fountain

Patrick Flahie wrote:

Due to my current sorry state of fitness, I have updated my standard appearance contract to delete my usual requirements of:
·         Fully-apportioned team tent including hot tub, chocolate fountain and podium girls.
·         A podium with a top step with area of at least 100 sq. ft. to accommodate my entourage while I accept the grand prize package.
·         Emily Batty.
·         Pit crew including at least two master mechanics to maintain my seven race bikes before/during/after the race.
·         40 acres and a mule.

All that I require – nay, beg for – is a simple invitation to your grand invitational.

Pat.. Pat.. Pat..

While I appreciate humility, I don't want to encourage behaviors that lead us to compromise on important decisions.  Decisions that may seem innocuous at the time but leave you, at age 45, asking the question "How the f*ck did I become a subject matter expert on international compensation & taxes?!  I wanted to be a pro beach volleyball player!"

The danger in compromise lies not in the big decisions, they are generally easy.   Real conviction to our ideals lies in the incremental decisions that we make every day.  Like going with the 4-door instead of the convertible, or giving up the chocolate fountain.

So while some of your requests may be interpreted a frivolous, I can certainly understand how a man, nearing 40, with couple kids, would request the presence of a 25 year old, petite, Canadian, Olympian who always seems to have the sun shining through her hair.  (Though I'm not sure that a cyclocross race with freezing temperatures in a questionable neighborhood is the ideal environment to attempt to close the deal on the woman of your dreams... And if you do the math  of (YourAge / 2 )+ 7 = HerAge.  it comes out a bit creepy... but this is your dream, not mine)  Who am I to deny you?

To quote Thomas edition:

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

So, just for you, I've reached out to Emily on the twitterwebs:
@emilybatty  Several racers inquired if you'd attend the Detroit Invitational CX.  Nov 30th.  (I'm sure they cleared it with their wives) 
The rest is up to you.  See you on the 30th
(and never give up that Chocolate Fountain!)

CX Czar.

1 comment:

  1. sound words.
    I'll be there again, but only to heckle this year. Although I would proudly shed blood, saliva, and vomit to retain my hold on....(7th place??)...whatever. My recent over-exuberance during a certain extended weekend (read furlough) resulted in a shattered clavicle, which ended my cx season and kept me home in the late throws of a post-operative narcotic freakout. It was a pleasure to attend as a participant in last year's edition, however, my talents as a loud-mouthed miscreant will be applied this year. I'll leave it to those present to judge for which I am better suited...