Wednesday, November 6, 2013

I'd like to talk about motivation... because I seem to have lost mine.

I'd like to talk about motivation... because I seem to have lost mine.

Let me provide a bit of exposition: For the past year, I have been working with a shrink addressing the dark, uncomfortable childhood realities that we normally associate with women that choose a vocation that involves working with brass tubing.  Without getting into the ugly details, What I thought was down, was up.  What I believe to be right, was left.  And methods I used to motivate myself were actually self-destructive and designed to mask a plummeting self esteem.

As a protection mechanism, I had developed an unhealthy attitude towards competition.  In a way I was seeing how fast I could run on the hamster wheel just to distract myself from the fact that I was in a cage.

So now I find myself in this place where it's tough to improve my time on the hamster wheel, because I'm more concerned about squeezing through the bars of the cage.

I don't think I am alone.  Observationally speaking, mental instability and cycling seem go hand in hand. Take cyclocross: riding bikes with skinny tires and drop bars through mud & snow, during fall & winter is, at best, irrational, at its worst, it is the definition of masochism.

Triathletes: Obsessive compulsive... every last one of them!  What is really driving the burning desire to swap that "70.3" sticker on the back of you car for a "140.6" ... It must be the subtle off-white coloring, Raised lettering, pale nimbus. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh, my God. It even has a watermark!

Road racers are notoriously the most twisted.  With their leg shaving / Gender Dysphoria Symptoms (Not that there's anything wrong with it!).  Narcissists *cough* Lance *cough*.  Schizophrenia (shut up legs!).  And The Milgram Experiment was modeled after every training ride ever...

Mountain bikers are easily the most well adjusted, with only a smattering of minor substance abuse issues that are limited to the post ride micro brew or occasionally herb.  Oh, there is the occasional bi-polar symptoms that arise when attempting to pass one on the trail in a team kit.

I haven't even touched on single speeders, or the hoarding tendencies of cyclists (how many bikes do we need) .  Recumbents are nothing but a cry for help.

What is it about competitive cycling that tickles our synapse in just the right way that it releases an endorphin?  I'm not talking about just riding a bike.  I'm talking about racing a bike.  The act of willfully ripping our legs off and beating ourselves over the head with them.  It can't all be a manifestation of self loathing.

Now that I think about it, coming to grips with my inner demons may actually have a negative effect on my racing.  If there are any ladies out there with daddy issues, please identify yourself.  I may need some chaos in my life before Barry Roubaix.

So come November 30th, Just think of me as your enabler.  I'm the guy who brings you Kentucky Fried Chicken even though you haven't left the bed in years. Regardless of what ails you, we have a remedy (and the first one is always free) .

The CX Czar

1 comment:

  1. That is an EPIC psychological breakdown of cyclists and cycling. What do us multi-discipline people do? I compete in cx, road and tris. I don't know if I should shave my legs, grow a beard or have a bib number tattooed on my back.
    -Matt C