Monday, November 15, 2010

More entry letters:

Ive decided to post some the the best race applications... I think we are attracting the right element!

Wayne wrote

Here's why I hope you let me in:

1. I am sick of my up-state friends telling me how shitty Detroit is and how cool their little backwaters are.
2. I will bring my wife, my kids and my mom to the race. They all have cowbells.
3. I have ridden on 40 degree banking before and promise not to embarrass you.
4. I have eclectic tastes in beer and will bring a variety to share.
5. I consumed more than two pints of beer during the Ice Cross race.
6. SS or geared, you decide.
7. I will try to bring some Tri-Geeks from Fraser.
8. Tequila makes me halluciante.
9. Bikes in December, what could be better?
10. My CX beard is peaking!

Thanks for looking,


David the Firefighter wrote:

Think of me as a moving barrier that the sandbagging B's have to pass at least once per race. Besides, how great would it be to have an EMT right there on the course when somebody has a heart attack?

Michael sealed his application with one sentence and a photo:

Because I can offer crowd pleasing dismounts such as this:

And my personal favorite, From Jason Goodin, who may have earned himself a call-up with such a great email.

Dear CX Czar--

I've been thinking about the reasons why your invitational race needs me.  I'm sure you've been thinking about it as well.

First off, I should tell you a bit about myself because I'm sure a little background knowledge about me will shed all necessary light on why my presence is integral to a successful race on December 4th.  There are some very important facts about me that are pertinent to the matter at hand.

First off, my helmet matches my sunglasses, which match my shoes, which match my bar tape, which matches my bike.  I have a team kit.  People know me.  At times my home smells of rich mahogany.  I have a chiseled facial appearance and am in shape.  I definitely look the part of a 'cross racer.  However, the important thing to note about all of this is that I basically suck at racing cyclocross, with my best finish yet this season being a top 10.  That's definitely not worthy of "the look".  I am, in short, a poseur.  I even write the word posuer in a way that says "yep, he's a poser".  Why is this important?  Because if I am a part of your race others will look at me on the line and say "Holy s--t!  There's competition here.  That's a guy I have to mark."  However, in .2763 laps when they're blowing by me and kicking my arse at the end of the race, the other racers will feel great about themselves and the race will experience a groundswell of collective self esteem.  Yes, I will make the other racers feel great about themselves.

Secondly, I am short.  That's an understatement.  I'm borderline hobbit at 5'4".  That qualifies me on the cycling affirmative action scale as a "protected class".  You can keep the cycling authorities happy by filling a spot in your race with a token "little person".  I suggest that little person be me.

Thirdly, I live in Kalamazoo and work a short 6 minute walk from Bell's Brewery.  The reason that this is important is fairly straightforward.  Bells=great beer.  I=easy access to great beer.  Me at your race means I bring great beer with me.  And I share.

Fourthly, my last name is Goodin and my nickname is Dwight.  Dwight Goodin.  When the results list comes out people will be like "Damn, that CX Czar puts on a hell of an invitational.  The MLB great Dwight Gooden showed up.  Czar must put on such a great event that it brings world class athletes."  Celebrity appeal, even if a facade.

There are many, many more reasons, but I think you'll find those aforementioned sufficient.  So, in summary:
  1. I make people feel good about themselves as they kick my poseur arse.
  2. You fulfill an affirmative action quota for the "little people" segment.
  3. Bells beer.  Needs no further explanation.
  4. Celebrity appeal.  Dwight Goodin in 2010; Zdenek Stybar in 2011.  Damn that's good.
'Nuff said.  I look forward to your response.  My wife does as well because she wants to ensure that she won't have to comfort my tears for a night if your response is that I am not a part of your race.  And I guess that's a fifth reason---Hell hath no fury like a woman who has to wipe up her husband's tears or a woman scorned.  I don't remember which it is.  Too many Two Hearted Ales.

~Jason "Dwight" Goodin

Keep the applications coming.  & check out the

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