Detroit Invitational Cyclocross 2015 - November 28th

We are doing it again!  For the sixth consecutive year we are putting on the most diabolically fun cyclocross (and this year running!) race around.  Totally free! Thanks to the collaboration of the Racing Greyhounds Cycling team, The Velvet Elvis Cycling team and the hard work of dozens of volunteers.  Including prize donations from Liberty Street Brewing, Motorless City Bicycles, Cycle to Fitness and race promotors from around the state.

This year the race schedule is as follows:

9am Running race, Mens open, Ladies open - 2 laps
10 am Racing Greyhound Team Points Series - 30 Min
11 am Gentlemen Racer - 30 minutes
11:45 Youth & Kids Race
12:00 Lady Racer - 45 min
12:01 Overcompetitive Prick Class - 45 min

All times estimated, all fees nonexistent

The "Tequila shot shortcut" will be active for all races, with the exception of the youth and kids race, where an age acceptable substitute will be available. (most likely a kale smoothie) 

To register email: cxczar at gmail.com

Visit & share our facebook event page:
https://www.facebook.com/events/1149684155060876/

DICX is ten days away - Register Now!

We are ten days away and things are really shaping up.  I was at the park this weekend, to evaluate what had to be done and to start potting the course.   When I arrived, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the park was largely clear of litter, and that the tired, broken playground had all been replaced with new equipment.  All graffiti free.

This echos a thought that I have had throughout this year.  That Detroit is turning the corner.  For the first time in my 47 years, I believe things are better today, then they were yesterday... and tomorrow will probably be better as well.  Hope vs Hopelessness

That's not to say that everything has been resolved.  Detroit still has a long way to go.  But anyone who's worked themselves out of a seemingly insurmountable situation knows that the first moment that you can see improvement is incredibly energizing.   If you want to help us prep the park (mow, sweep & hang out) we will be at the park Saturday 22nd at 10 am,

Registration:

We are currently down a bit on Pre-Registrations.  For those who may not be aware, It is infinetly easier to preregister, that to do it day-of. (seriously, it's a hassle)  All you have to do is email cxczar@gmail.com and say: "I want to race" and tell me if you are a man or a woman, and if you are fast or slow.  (Or don't... and i'll draw my own conclusions.)

 For the first time, we will have two distinct classes for the men:

1. Gentlemen Racer Class - 45 min - 12 Noon start (for Cat 4,5 & Beginners)
2. Over-competitive Prick Class - 1 hour - 11am start  (Cat 1,2,3 & people who still look sinewy after Thanksgiving) 

We wanted to give the fast guys an opportunity to be fast.  And don't worry, we have a plan so the bantam weights don't poison themselves (to death) at the Tequila Shot Shortcut.

The prizes are the same for all classes:  A growler beer from Liberty Street Brewing Co, A DICX T Shirt from Ducky Detroit, A Road ID Gift certificate, and a special set of custom brass knuckles made by Motorless City Bicycles.  (2nd and 3rd in each class will get an assortment of the above prizes)  Pretty baddass!

But I know what you are thinking, "Jeffro, even with the addition of the Gentlemen Racer heavyweight-subnovice class I have no chance in hell of finishing on the same lap as the top three...I'll be happy to leave the park under my own power"   It's OK.  if you preregister (by emailing cxczar@gmail.com) we've received a ton of swag & some free race entries from Tailwind and Kisscross.  We'll be raffling it off to preregister racers.

The key is to pre-register: cxczar@gmail.com
Sincerely,

The CX Czar

Ps: I'll be posting every day as the race approaches, so keep coming back, and bring your friends

Fifth Annual Detroit Invitational Cyclocross - November 29th, 2014

"You've turned something that we did for a lark into a monumental waste of time" 

~ William Shatner

Five years... That's how long I've been putting on this race.  Five years... That's longer than the typical life-cycle of a bottom bracket standard.  Five effing years!  Not that I've ever gotten laid as a result of this race, but if i did, I'd be enrolling the little bastard in kindergarten.
I'm not quite sure where the time went.  

What started out modestly as a stupid, drunk, high gesture on someone's part to meet the growing wave of unjustified resentment toward USA cycling and the UCI; has grown into a slightly larger stupid drunk, high, gesture with adequate restroom facilities!  Granted, I get several emails a year encouraging me to grow the Detroit Invitational Cyclocross to be bigger than Iceman.

That's not the point.

Not that there is much of a point.  The objective has always been simply to have fun, especially if that involves mocking ourselves a bit in the process.  As a result, it's kind of evolved into our own twisted inside joke. The mutant child of a group hug, bachelorette party and self-inflicted fraternity hazing.  If Five years from now the race resembles something more along the lines of of a bee gees reunion tour/ Jai alai tournament with Morressey & Nikki Minaj standing in for Robin and Maurice, then so be it!

I put the race on for purely selfish reasons, namely because if causes me an incredible amount of Joy.  Judging by the feedback and assistance I get throughout the year, I'm not alone.    

Today I got an email explaining the viability of a flaming barrier by utilizing off the shelf grilling equipment and a standard propane tank. - Joy

Yesterday I got an email from a friend with a Liquor store connection, who claimed that he could get me a deal on the several half gallons of low grade brake cleaner that is used in the tequila shot shortcut. - Joy!

Sunday, I had someone come up to me and thank me.  He mentioned Last year's race was his first cyclocross race and he had the best time.  That is the most rewarding of all.

It's all silly fun, It doesn't have to be the biggest, craziest, most epic race of the year.  But somehow it turns out to be.  Anyway on to the announcements:

The Fifth running of the Detroit Invitational will be held:

Saturday, November 29th 2014

Races start at 10am

Saturday after Thanksgiving

This year marks the first year we will have multiple classes.  Each classes will have their own start wave and prizes.  Prizes will be of generally equal value for all classes, with exceptions leaning toward the ladies class, because they tend to class up the joint.

The classes are as follows:

• Ladies

• Gentlemen Racer (Cat4 & slower) 

• Over-competitive Prick (Cat3 & faster) 

Please Specify what class in which you would like to compete.  We will use the honor system, and I am under the belief that this will be incredibly self explanatory.   Given that it is more of an state of mind than an ability.  Now, say if Jeremy Powers emails me and tells me that he wants to wear his "Katy Perry Farrell" costume  and race the gentlemen's race while singing a medley of "Firework" and "Been caught stealing" Who am I to stop him?  Grantes, I will expect him to act like a 'gentleman' and sandbagging is not very gentlemanly... get my drift?  I reserve the right to reassign people as I see fit.  So if you are a Cat5 with carbon rims barking at a guy in a hot dog costume, reaching for a hand-up  to "hold his line", prepare to get downgraded/ upgraded whatever.

I promised to "Incentivize" costumes and custom skinsuits.  So this year, if you wear a costume, you will get a voucher for one (1) free pass through the tequila shot Shortcut without actually having to ingest whatever god-awful fluid we put in front of you.   Custom skinsuits get two (2) free passes.  Skinsuits should be hand made, modified or something no one has ever seen before, but not part of a regular team kit.  For example, last years "Bikini" skinsuit would qualify, but the "Velvet Elvis flying chicken" skinsuit would not.  I have final say, and my opinion on appeals can be influenced positively with gifts of malt beverages.

I'll be posting more messages as the day approaches.

sincerely,

The CX Czar.

Bar bike build party... Coming the Saturday before the Super Bowl.

One Sunday morning this past summer, I got an interesting voicemail from my friend Gareth.  The voicemail, in a breathless voices started with :

"I'm.... I'm just not good with bikes"

The previous day, I had loaned him my bar bike.  An older On One Inbred steel 29er with a rigid fork, fixed gear, and road crank.  The bike had been replaced on the trail several years before by an Air nine that was several metric tons lighter.  Still the On One was enjoying its retirement by being my bicycle of choice for local errands and watering holes around royal oak.

Last night was Arts Beats and eats.  A fantastic event, where the entire RO downtown area is blocked off to showcase local bands and past their prime national acts.  There is also a convoluted ticket based beer distribution system implemented designed to confuse drunks with a seventh grade algebra story problem.  I love AB&E... I love it because I ride my bike, leave it with KLMs bike Valet and avoid the outrageous parking fees.  

Back to my buddy Gareth, what he was trying to explain was that he had managed to crack the frame of my On One, and was looking to make it right.

My response was straight from Anchorman:

" I'm not even mad, I just want to know how you did it!"

This was a bike with about ten thousand trail miles with a Clydesdale.all full rigid.  When I got it, I was blown away at the number of greasy fingerprints that were on the bike...this was collaborated by similar hand prints on the side door of the location where he stayed the night.  Piecing together the physical evidence & expert testimony we concluded that the cause of frame breakage happened somewhere between fat burger and Campbell... Evidence of being over served, was not conclusive, but highly probable. 

As far as the bike, fear not.  I am working with Chris at motor less city to have the bike converted into a fat tire cargo bike.  : )

This got me thinking of the virtues of a "bar bike".  Essentially a bike that has outlived it's usefulness on the trail, but still has value as an alternative transportation for short errands.  It is every bet an important addition to your stable of bikes as a cross bike, or single speed, or fatbike or wherever you are on the N+1 bike requirement scale.  

A good bar bike, should have a low perceived value.  It may be a living breathing example of the best cycling technologies that the late 80's had to offer, but to the bike thief, it pales in comparison to a shiny new Next full suspension rig.  I should be functional, reliable and low (if not zero) maintenance.  It should have a blikey light. For visibility and safety and either fenders or a rack to prevent the 'skunk tail' when you are surprised by a summer shower.  

It should have personality, in a Frankensteinian kind of way.  As it will have more value as a whole than the sum of it's parts.  

I've had a few friends approach me about assisting them in building a suitable bar bike.   If you are like me, the actor wrenching bikes are enhanced with a tasty malt beverage.  I bounced the idea off Ryan at Apto, and he was excited about the idea of a bar bike build party.  So we decided that the Saturday before the superbowl would be the perfect time for a thinly veiled excuse to wrench bikes and drink beer.  We'll get Liberty Street Brewing Co & Rochester Brewing Co. involved somehow.  

So what is a bar bike build party?  If you have an old frame that needs to repurposed, bring it.  If you have an old tub of functional, but unsalable parts,(as we all do) bring them.  Have an under appreciated knowledge of bicycle mechanics that increases exponentially with each stout consumed?bring it.   Have a growler of beer so good that it has to be shared?  Bring that too.  Ryan and Apto will have bulk cables and a few stands available.   Who knows if anything rideable will actually come out of this event, but it should be a good time.  

Some photos from the trip

Because I've been a bit busy on the trip, I haven't had much of a chance to post on the blog, here are a couple photos, which are worth a thousand words.

Navajo Arch.  

Luxury accommodations in Arches National Park, Moab Utah.  Coffee tastes the best at 6,000 feet

The Dude, doing what the Dude does.

17 degrees outside... Good thing I brought my own St. Bernard.

Another day, another night in a national park.  Zion, UT

Always good to have a vigilant watchdog on the road.

The big drive

The first full official day of the road trip was the one I was most worried about.  I was planning on crossing both Iowa and Nebraska.  About 12 hours of driving...solo.  Well, not really solo, I did have "The Dude" with me.  Who I will defend as a critical part of this road trip for several reasons that I will get into later.

As a fall back position, I didn't book a hotel at my destination.  I planned a couple of alternatives.  Pet friendly hotels, campgrounds along the way, truck stops and finally parking on the side of the road.  Thankfully there were a couple of diversions along the way that I hadn't planned for.

The first of which, a few hours into Iowa is the I-80 Truck stop.  The self proclaimed "World's Largest truck stop".   I could not dispute it, and in fact I fully endorse it as THE place to visit when traveling through Iowa.

I don't have an estimate of the actual size of the I-80 Truck stop, but it is huge.  The photo to the left is only about a third of the place.  It contains a wendy's, a Caribu coffee, a buffett that rivals anythig I have seen in Vegas or Atlantic city, a truck accessory shop, a larger DVD selection than netflix and a gift / apparel shop that will leave you slack jawed at the selection of unique merchandize that needs to be experienced to be believed.

 Most impressive was the selection of "Lone Wolf" Tshirts.  As cyclists, we are all familiar with the NYC Bike snob's meme of the importance of te Lone wolf.  If you are not familiar, these are tshirts, usually of an Acid washed* variety, with a image of an animal on the front that has been lovingly rendered with a nod to native american mythology and an air of classyness that can only be rivaled by a custom work by an accomplished airbrush artist.  From the photo, you can see that there is a solid 70 feet of display area dedicated to this uniquely american art form.  As you can imagine, the variety is unparralled! and the quality?  well, just take a gander of this next photo:   As you can see, the artist has taken the interpretation of this genre to the next level.  I dare not even touch this piece as i feared that it might burn my skin if I was deemed "Unworthy".   It perfectly encapsulates the free spirit of the wild that female cyclocross phenom and fellow Velvet Elvis: Amy "The Wolf" Meldrum, lives every moment of her life.  I wanted to purchase it for her, but unfortunately it was only available in men's sizes north of 3XL.  (Not the 'Ladies cut bare midriff w/ fringe as I was hoping)   I will add that there was at least another half dozen free standing displays of "Lone Wolf" shirts that were not included in the photo.

In addition the I-80 has a Truck accessory shop that contained no less than three full size semi trucks... One with a trailer.  (The trailer is painted with a mural that is evry bit as important to the logistics industry as the Diego Rivera mural in the Detroit Institute of arts is to the industrial revolution.  

Again, the variety of 'roo bars, cow catchers, accessories lights, mud flaps, custom wheels and chrome everything led me to believe that I had stumbled upon the valhalla of transportation personalization. 

I pondered getting the element fitted with some 5" chrome exhaust tips. (you know, for improved performance) but thought that the increased noise from open headers would draw the wrong type of attention from local law enforcement.  

What about gifts?  Surely the man on the move has difficulty finding that unique gifts for their loved ones.  Again, the World's largest truck stop did not disappoint.

Besides a complete selection of everything Hummel ever created, the git shop has an expansive selection of anything deemed collectable with an emphasis on the absolutely tasteless.  Need a broadswoard?  Need a spiked mace?  Need a Klingon Bat Leth of authentic proportions? (had to google that one)  no problem.  They have them in stock (and presumably available on lay-a-way) 

Satisfied that I have seen everything that needed to be seen, I hit the road, with a renewed sense of adventure, and a suvineer magnet, memorializing the 50th anniversary that I will proudly display on my fridge next to the wedding "Save the date" postcards from friends and my famous Crepe recipe.

I did a curory lap around the parking lot, just to see if I could see any "Lot Lizzards" (aka: truck stop prostitutes) .  They proved elusive, especially considering that it was about 8am.

Further down the road, I discovered another Iowas Institution dedicated to the transportation industry,  Specifically the "Kum & Go"  chain of gas stations.  (I'm not making this up) 

After refueling at a couple of these establishements, I am convinced that the owner purposely named the business with his tongue firmly planted in his cheek.  It was the variety of logo T-shirts, hats, cups, etc.. that convinced me.  For the record, I couldn't resist and picked up a t-shirt for under $10 (buying me an additional day before I have to do laundry).

I found Iowa to be very pleasant.  the drivers are courteous and respect the left lane. (unlike the asshats that have infected the Southfield Freeway) The roads are pristine and the tiered farms located on the west of the state were quite picturesque. 

In Nebraska, I had planned a stop at a truly sacred place.  Just as Catholics will visit the Vatican when visiting Rome, or Muslims making a pilgrimage to Mecca.  It seemed only appropriate that as an american who came of age in the 80's that I visit a location of equal or greater spiritual magnatude.

The University of Nebraska, Memorial Football Stadium.

Lincoln Nebraska was exactly at the halfway point of the day's planned travels.  So Lebowski took an hour or so to walk the campus, visit the gift shop to pick up some Merch from their national powerhouse volleyball program (for a very special girl in California) and seek out the inevetable shrine to College football deity: Tom Osborne.

 The UofN campus is littered with bad art... embarrassingly bad art from the Miami Vice era of bad 80's art.  I submit to you the example to the left.  Unlike the "Lone Wolf" art of Iowa truck stop t-shirts, the bad art of the UofN campus lacks soul (which I guess encapsulates the cocaine fueled lack of creativity of the 1980s... especially the music... more on that in a separate post) 

I could go into a full critique of the scrap metal sculptural pile of feces, but Lebowski and I were on a spiritual mission.  

We were not disappointed, there is a spot adjacent to the football stadium, memorializing the greatness of Bob Devaney and Tom Osborne.   The plaque is surrounded by pillars, as you would expect if in a temple dedicated to an deity as significant as Zeus or Odin.  I am sure that during that during the construction, gas lines were pre-run for the inevetable eternal flame that will be installed when Coach Osborne decides to leave this world for the great gridiron in the sky.  

Lebowski proudly posed for a photo, before attending to a group of affectionate fans of coeds outside the UofN bookstore.  

Back on the road, we stumbled upon an unusual museum that spans both directions of the highway.  This confused me as it stuck out of the ladscape like a monolith.

More significant, was the obscured view of a cold front that was pushing aside the front that caused Ice storms and havoc in my home state.  Blue skies were ahead.  We had avoided the bad weather unscathed.

At exactly mile 1000, we were greeted by a breathtaking sunset.  This brought a tears to my eyes as it provided further validation for the journey.

Eventually, we made it to our goal.  Eastern Colorado.  We booked a lovely room at the Days Inn, located downwind of a Paper processing plant.  The hotel was tired at best.  Once we arrived, Lebowski hopped into bed next to me, following his breed instincts as a St. Bernard to comfort and warm weary travelers as they passed the treacherous Swiss alps in the 1600's.  He sighed a heavy sigh, and snuggled up closer, making me feel as cozy as I've ever felt not sleeping in my own bed.

Tomorrow, I'll write about venturing into the Rockies, navigating 7% slopes in a snowstorm and our first day of recreation in the beautiful town of Breckenridge.  We'll leave in the morning for southern Utah, Moab and our first night of camping.

1200 miles In

 Lebowski and I embarked on our trip.  Over the last two days we covered over 1200 miles through Michigan, Indiana,  Illinois, Iowa and Nebraska.  We are currently just outside of Denver.  Tomorrow we'll travel to Breckenridge, where Lebowski will spend the afternoon at Doggy Daycare, and I will spend the day skiing.

We started our journey by traveling through to western Illinois, stopping in the "Hometown" of Ronald Regan. ... Only to be trumped by the "Birthplace" of Ronald Regan, 15 miles down the road... To be honest, I was expecting to see a landmark in some field signifying the location where the Gipper got to second base.

Lebowski was nice enough to stay up with me though nearly the entire drive, sitting on the back seat, head looking out the passenger window.  Three hours into the drive, he discovered that he had enough room to sprawl out and relax in the back of the element.  No small trick considering he had to share the back with an XL Moonlander (to preserve the slippery aerodynamic of the Honda Element)

As I got out of the Car after 5+ hours of driving, I promptly fell on my ass, as a result of the black ice.  Lebowski fared a bit better, as quadrupeds have a bit better stability on the slippery stuff.   ("Illinois Black Ice" is a perfect NHL Expansion team name) Once we got inside, I took a hard look at the weather, and decided that it would be important to get an early start, to avoide the pending Ice storm to the south west.

The hotel, a Days Inn, was certainly dated.  The staff, was friendly and made no issues that Lebowski clearly exceeded the 'pet policy' by a solid 90lbs.

The guests, that was another matter. I met a few people exiting from the 'Lounge'... blind drunk, from the conversation shouted to the bartender, this appeared to be a regular occurrence.    The following morning, while walking Lebowski, I met a man who was in town for training at the hardware distribution center.  He polished off two cigarettes during our short conversation.  He was a few years older than I, but looked a few decades older.

Leaving Western Illinois before dawn, I was stuck in with the impression that this was a place that either prompted you to leave to seek the your potential of Hollywood or Washington, or stay...  I realize that it's not fair to judge an entire region based on a few encounters.  

We hit the road west, venturing into Iowa.

"all the golden lands ahead of you and all kinds of unforseen events wait lurking to surprise you and make you glad you're alive to see?” ” ~ Kerouac, On the Road

In 24 hours I am going to throw my dog and bike into my car and embark on a three week journey across the country... (and possibly back). I'll have my daughter with me for a third of the but mostly it will be me & "The Dude".

I'll be crossing Nebraska, Iowa, Colorado, Utah, Nevada and drive up the coast of California.  Camping in national parks, Skiing in the rockies, riding in the dessert.  I'll visit the sacred spots where speed records are set and surfing legends lost their lives.  I'll celebrate the birth of the savior in the city of sin, and welcome the new year under the skies of the high sierras.  

I have used copies of "On the road" and "Fear & loathing in Las Vegas" to keep me company.  A folding shovel and tire chains to keep me moving. A flask of bacon-infused bourbon as a peace offering to the natives when I decide to stop.

My Coworkers think I am crazy, My friends wish they could ride shotgun.  My dog has no idea what's ahead and neither do I... that's half the charm.

I'll be writing every day, taking photos and posting it up here. I promise not to filter anything, if you promise to come along for the ride.  

Jeff

Brian is an idea man.

Earlier this month I got an interesting email from Brian Hancock the course design & guerrilla marketing genius behind the Ithaca GP:

In all seriousness...

I’m totally not joking about this - ever thought about pushing DICX into the national stage with hosting the single speed world cyclocross championships?

The atmosphere, course, event, and tequila are a perfect fit.

Think about it...

Brian

Ever get hit with an idea so good that it practically unlocks a part of your brain that you have never used before? This letter made me feel like Vin Diesel operating a manual transmission: "What? I can upshift six or seven more times?  I've only been using the first five gears!" (RIP Paul Walker, you are a good guy and I enjoyed your movies)

For those of you that are not familiar with the the Single Speed Cyclocross World Championship or SSCXWC. It is the Gold standard of non-sanctioned races and to give credit where credit is due, parent to the Detroit Invitational Cyclocross.

Let me paint the picture.

It was several years ago, and upon learning that my position was to be outsourced, I sought employment on the east coast.  Prior to moving from the great lake state, I began to divest some of the larger possessions because they wouldn't fit into the high rise apartment where I would be living.  One of those items was my 20 gallon air compressor.

Daniel at cycle to fitness, was having issues with his, so we began to negotiate a price.  Now the relationship between Daniel and I has evolved to the point where we rarely transact business by exchanging cash.  I recall serious barter negotiations where he wanted to swap a really nice waffle maker that was a wedding present for my accord coupe with 230K miles. I forget the exact details, but it involved some cash and a single order at cost for the air compressor.  I used to order to buy some Paul hubs, velocity hoops and a bunch of other goodies that allowed me to build up a really sweet Salsa La Rosa, that had lost it's derailleur hanger, but thanks to the skill of a UAW welder on the team, had a new life with track dropouts as a single speed CX bike.  I built up the bike and rode mostly for commuting through the mean streets of Wilmington Delaware.

Fast forward to cyclocross season.  I entered my first race, the Rockburn Cross, about forty minutes south in Maryland.  I think I registered for the C race... I don't think they had a Single speed class.  It was a perfect day for cross.  Wet, Rainy, cool.  the other competitors were noticably excited about the race.

Like most of us, my first CX experience was miserable.  My conditioning was nonexistent & my gear ratio was an obscene 50x18.  Not only did I finish DFL and got lapped by the leaders... I got lapped by the leaders of the women's class.

But...

When I crossed the finish line, I was met by everyone else in the field that was just as happy as I was that the race was finished.  I instantly fell in love with cross.  I met several people from the proteus shop in College Park, MD.  One of the ladies (who lapped me) asked me the following question:
"Hey, we are going to a really cool race up in a junkyard in Philly, want to come?"

Two things influenced my decision.  1) about a month before, I ventured to a club in baltimore to see Mix Master Mike.  It was both the most terrifying and awesome experience of my life.  My comfort zone had been nicely expanded.  2) I have never really ever been able to refuse a request by a woman with the trailing "a" of a mid atlantic accent.

So off we go to Philly, To Bilenky's Junkyard Cyclocross. Which was and is the most irrational, boundryless cyclocross race ever raced. we went through a decapitated school bus, around engine blocks, over the shadiest climb over you had ever seen.  Guys were dressed like Evel Knievel, team kits or in nothing at all. By the end of the day, I was sore, cold, covered in god-knows-what kind of automotive fluids, but beside myself with joy.  This on-two punch of cyclocross races was like meeting the woman of your dreams, then having her ask you if you want to go back to her place to get stoned and have sex. Yeah, THAT good.

Fueled with this new found fix for Cyclocross.  I consumed everything I could on the interwebs about the subject.  I eventually found out about the Cross crusade & SSCXWC.

Any race that first prize includes a golden bikini brief (with the world Championship colors) and a tattoo, is ok in my book.  I followed the race for several years before they announced that the race would be moved to San Francisco the following year.  My daughter lives in NorCal.  I visit her every month, I couldn't wait to withness the race, in person.  It didn't disapoint!  Though not as irrational as the Junkyard CX, SSCXWC pushes the limit with cesspool obstacles, using 3' dia. redwoods in place of barriers and world class talent.

last weekend, Philly was good enough to combine these two events into a fantastic weekend, that I regret missing.

They have just announced that the 2014 SSCXWC will be held in Louisville, KY.  Anyone who attended the real world championships last year will tell you that they have a wonderful park down there.  I will certainly be in attendance!

Which brings us to Brian's letter above.

I am inspired.  I want to bring the SSCXWC to the Motor city!

Possibly to Dorais park, but having attended both of these races live, I wonder if the park can match up to the scale of this race and the significance of Detroit.  The race location should be Iconic.  Maybe we could have the qualifier at Dorais and have the SSCXWC at Belle Isle?  Perhaps on the riverfront under the Ren Cen?  On the roof of Cobo?  Hell, lets run it up around and through the train station, Around the DIA & Cultural center.  At this point, no idea is out of bounds.

I need the help of the cycling community to make this happen.  If you know of someone who knows someone, let me know.  if you have a lead for a truly epic location, let me know by emailing me at cxczar@gmail.com.

I'm not saying we deserve it, because at this point, we don't.  But we have a lot of creative and talented people in this community, and I think we can make anything happen.

The CX Czar

At this time I owe everyone a couple posts:

1) I owe you the full timing file & race analysis.
2) I will address an official protest, and clarify the various interpretations of the "shortcut rule"

but at the moment, I have something more pressing that I am working on.  Look for it in the next 24 hours.

Jeff Wood.

The CX Czar

First lap of the Detroit Invitational captured on film.

Also submitted by Brian Harville is a link to a youtube video that captures the first lap of the Detroit Invitational from the riders perspective.  Good footage of some of the custom skin suits in the ladies field.  Watch it along with the podcast to get a good idea of what goes on at the most diabolical Cyclocross race.

Detroit Invitational Cyclocross 2013

Detroit Invitational Featured in the Bike Shop Show Podcast.

Scott Dedenbach puts on an excellent podcast about cycling and he was nice enough to interview several of the racers of the Detroit Invitational.  He really captures the essence of the race, reveals several of our secrets and has a nice observation about the sanctioned and unsanctioned races can coexist.  If you've never been to the race

Bike Shop Show, Episode 89

Nice video of the race

Thanks Scott Dedenbach for the great video.

Afterglow

Congratulations to Ladies Winner: Gabriella Sterne and 3-peat Men's winner: Jesse Gould!  As part of the ladies championship, next year, the port-o-johns will carry Gabriella's name.    As men's champion, a donation in Jesse's name will be placed in the Kwame Kilpatrick 2041 re-election fund.  

I always like to take the day following the race, shut down and soak it all in.  Take a look at what worked, what didn't and lay the groundwork for next year.  Race day is by far, the happiest day of the year for me.  Without getting too mushy, it is extremely rewarding to have a hundred of people thank you for putting on the race.  Fact is, it's not that difficult, thanks to all the help that I get from my friends.

Special thanks to Mike Belanger!  Mike is sadistic soul who designs the course.  He has carte blanche to do whatever he likes, because 99% of the time it is awesome  (death spiral on the side of hill: Mike's Idea... Run-down after the velodrome: Mike's Idea...  See where I am going with this) Mike puts as much time & effort into the race as I do, and deserves as much
Think of him as my Rasputin (wait, don't... that's a horrible analogy)

Special thanks to Jeff Plotzke.  Aka: Beaker.  Jeff is my registration & timing guy.  He developed the Frankensteinian timing system that works remarkably well.  While the rest of us were whooping it up during the main race, Jeff had his nose in a laptop monitor, ensuring that the results were accurate and timely. We will post the full results on this blog in the next couple of days.  Jeff has a lot on his plate at the moment, so please be patient.

Special thanks to all the Greyhounds and Elvii that took time from their weekend & holiday to help mow, remove trash, set up the track, deal cards, sling tequila and tear down.  There are too many of you to list, but as I mentioned to you last week: If you ever need anything: help you move, hide a body, marry your sister.  Just say the word!

And thank you for everyone who came and raced, made noise or sat silently and just smiled.

Personally, I think this was our greatest race to date. here are some of my thoughts on next year.

First & Foremost, next year we will "incentivize" homemade & custom Skinsuits.  There were a few gems out there, especially in the ladies class(Queen of Hearts & the Cheetah) . Kudo's to Santa and the bikini skinsuit which cannot be unseen (as worn by Tom Carpenter).  Break out the needle & thread, because next year there will be prizes for "stylepoints".

Some of the veterans may have noticed that the Shortcut was not as big of an advantage as in previous years.  This was by design, as we reserve the right to keep you guessing.

Note to self: Move the "Emily Batty Kissing Booth" to a more prominent spot... invite Liz Hatch.

On a related note: On a couple occasions in my lifetime, I have been able to slowly crawl my way out of the bottomless pit that is "The Friend Zone".  It was a long and arduous process, but on each occasion, I was able to transform a one sided, emasculating exercise in frustration into a volatile, drama filled, codependent relationship.  My best friend refers to this process as "Wearing them down".  I intend to use this same skill set to make the "Emily Batty Kissing Booth" a reality. (if she'll only respond to my tweets)

There have been some rumors regarding improprieties in the Shortcut lane.  Now, I'm in no position to judge any man or woman, but I believe I made it clear that cheating is something that I will not tolerate in my race.  Look for me to address these accusations in full investigation to be documented in a separate blog post.  I will address the age old question of cheating or more specifically: Spitting vs. swallowing.

Thank you all again for making this a great day.  I can't believe that next year will be the 5th year... We'll have to make it a blow out!

P.S. several of you mentioned that you enjoy my writing.  I will be venturing across the country over Christmas break, with my trusty St. Bernard mix, Lebowski.  We'll be passing through Breck, Moab, Zion, Big Sur, Bonneville and many other places.   Car camping in my Element for the majority of the trip.  I'll be documenting the whole thing on this blog.  And on my twitter account: @cxczar.

Detroit Invitational Cyclocross - Rules and participant information.

Congratulations, if you are recieving this email you are registered for the Detroit Invitational Cyclocross!  Saturday November 30th , 2013

Race Location: Dorias Park corner of Mound and Outer drive
(Park on the south side of the park on Outer Drive)  Google Map Link: http://goo.gl/maps/81ec7

Note: Dorias is not the nicest neighborhood, please take special care to keep your car locked and secured to avoid theft.

Race times:10AM : Racing Greyhounds Team Point Series CX
11:15AM : Detroit Invitational Cyclocross (the race you will be competing in)  (I know I said 11, but I'm buying myself 15 minutes for registration)

Post race after party and Prize presentation at Kuhnhenn's Brewery (5919 Chicago Road  Warren, MI 48092 (586) 979-8361) Map link: http://goo.gl/maps/09Tpo

Registration:Prior to the race, riders will be expected to check in at the Blue KHS Tent at the top of the hill & pick up their number plate and Timing chip.  The chip may be on a plastic card that will need to be tie-rapped to the seat or handlebars... or it may be a sticker that will be placed on your helmet.  If the chip is too close to metal, it may not register.  Prior to the race, please ride through the timing tent to test your chip. 

-This year we will have a Ladies division.    They start will start 30 seconds before the boys.  This is purely for aesthetic reasons.  

We will accept "Day of" registration, but will serve preregistered riders first.  Preregistration ends about 6pm on Friday.  

As the promoter I retain the right to reject entry for any bicycle that I deem too much of a piece of shit to race in my race.  All recumbants are automatically disqualified on that principle.  

Mtn bikes are allowed provided they do not have bar ends positioned in such a way that they may impale other riders.  There will also be a special rule that will be implemented this year to limit the mechanical advantage of Mtn bikes on run-ups.

Cheating - Is Strongly discouraged!  By cheating I mean cutting the course or riding in a manner that limits, obstructs or endangers your fellow racers or the fans.  That's pretty much it.  First offenses will result in a stop & Go penalty, further violations will result in disqualification... unless you are so behind that it really doesnt matter.  

Tandems count as one bike, but have two riders.  They will recieve one card per lap, but have to do two shots if they take the Tequila Shot shortcut. (just in case it comes up)

The race:The race Will be approximatly 45 minutes, we will take the time of the first lap and approximate the number of laps to the finish of the race.  The laps remaining will be displayed on a clip board near the Start/Finish Line. the Start of the last lap, the race promotors will yell "One to Go" so listen for it!  Prizes will be awarded to the first three racers to cross the line after the last lap (The race promoter retains the right to cut the race short for impending emergencies such as overly inclemet weather or law enforcement intervention.
Race officials will request alert racers to the start ten minutes before the race.

The Course:The Course Will be marked with Flags & caution tape.    It should be fairly intuitive but if you have questions, please ask before the race.  FYI the course will run Counter clockwise. The caution tape will be be on shorter stakes than you are are accustom... this is one of the cost concessions we had to make in order to keep the entry fees low.  We dont think it is that big of a deal.  Remember barriers are meant to be crossed and tape not to be crossed.

There are a few unique features within the course that are listed below:

Prologue - Racers will line up at the starting line, follow the race promoters instructions and complete half a lap.  First competitor to cross the Start/Finish line will win a preem (prize) The starting line will be the on the concrete pad at the top of the Soapbox derby hill.

The Tequila Shot Shortcut - If a racer so chooses, they may opt to take the "Tequila shot short-cut".  This option replaces about a hundred yards and a set of barriers in exchange for a shot of tequila.  The entrance to the TSS is to the left hand side of the start finish line.  You must come to a complete stop, clip out at least one foot, do your shot, then proceed after you are instructed.  If you so wish, you may take the shortcut every lap.  (we don't encourage it)  Please dont inquire as to the quality of the tequila.  If the supply of Tequila runs out, the promoter reserves the right to replace it with an equally vile and intoxicating substance.

-Minors are forbidden by law from taking advantage of the tequila shot shortcut and shouldn't even be in the race.  if you are a minor, you will need to identify yourself by wearing an identifying article of clothing of my choice.  

Draw Poker:
In addition to the traditional "Race" there will be a draw poker game.  Starting with the completion of the first lap, riders will have an opportunity to grab a standard playing card from one of our three lovely "Dealers" standing at the start/Finish line.  One card per bike/ per lap.  At the end of the race the racer with the best five card Poker hand will win.  Faster riders may collect more than five cards (one for each lap finished) giving them an advantage of more cards to select their hand, but only the top five cards will count (except in the case of tiebreakers)  Winner gets a free growler of their choice from Kuhnhenn's Brewery.
-Because of the number of racers we will have to use multiple decks, so improbable hands such as "five Aces" is possible and will be scored accordingly.
-The Tequila shot shortcut will not prevent you from collecting a card for each lap.
-If you drop or lose your cards while on the course and someone picks them up "finders keepers - losers weepers" rules apply.  A card is fair game anywhere outside of the concrete Start/Finish platform.
-Spectators may pick up dropped cards provided they hold them up for a handout that is available to all riders.

Dollar / Beer / Bacon grabs:
Are awesome and encouraged!  

Registration Fee:  There is none, this race is free (as in beer)... The race is a sponsored by the Racing Greyhounds & Cycle to fitness in Livonia as a special thank you to everyone that we race against.  We also get a ton of help from "The Mower Gang"  the awesome group of guys that mow parks in Detroit because the city can't aford to to do it themselves.  As a result, they keep the rat population down and give the kids a place to play.  We'll have a donation Jar for the Mowergang,  We figured that it would be good to throw a few bucks their way for gas money.  Without them, this event wouldnt happen.

If you would like to help set up, There will be a trail day Saturday November 22nd at the park at 9am.  Day of the race, I will be at the park around 8am to set up the track.  bring a hammer & Staple Gun and I'll put you to work. 

If it's more your style to throw a six pack to the people that put this race together, we are down with that.

...Plus any rules that I can think of between now and then!

If you have questions, email me at cxczar@gmail.com. 

See you saturday

I am a student at a large Midwestern University...

Hi Cx Czar,
Would you recommend this race to a first time CX racer?  If not, could you recommend a few local races that are beginner friendly?  I don't want to impede the progress of the good racers, so I would start at the very back. I saw pics of last year's race and it looked pretty challenging.

Or should I leave the bike at home and go see if Emily Batty shows up.
Thanks 

JuniorBooBoo

Dear Junior,

The truth is, there is no such thing as "Beginner Friendly" cyclocross race.  Cyclocross  Any promoter that would reduce the difficulty of a course to accommodate first time racers is doing a disservice to the sport.  Cyclocross, like bourbon, is best when it is not watered down.  

I will use an analogy, that with an email of "JuniorBooBoo", you are probably more familiar : 

Attempting to loose your virginity.

Regardless of how much time and energy you expend, nothing will prepare you for what you are about to experience.  You will be confused.   You won't know where to go or what to do.  You are going to stumble, fall, possibly hurt yourself (and someone else).  You'll end up shivering, heart pounding and covered in your own snot and possibly vomit... that's if you do it right.   Sure we can rationalize that it might have been better if we were with Shannon Elizabeth or Tara Reid (or both)*.  It's all moot anyway, because the point is that you didn't know what to expect before and now you have a little bit better idea.  

If I were to dumb down the course, I would be like the creepy father that takes his son to a prostitute on his 16th birthday.**  Sure the seal is technically broken, but it's not the same.  There is a lot of interpersonal communication that is lost in this scenario.  Sure, you may be the type of person that enjoys taking credit for other's efforts, but they are called "narcissists" and are officially #1 on Ms. Batty's list of "Turn Off's"  

So, to answer your question, yes, the Detroit Invitational is as fine as race as any to be your first.  

 I don't want to impede the progress of the good racers.

Don't you worry about that... that's my job

Should I leave the bike at home and go see if Emily Batty shows up.

Emily Batty's list of "Turn Offs"***

2) Posers

Better bring the bike. ; )  I'll register you... Would you like me to choose a better nickname?

Jeff Wood

aka Cx Czar

*Shooting in the dark with the pop culture references since I don't know your age.

** I did not invent nor do I support this process of achieving manhood... but we all know of one guy who went through this.  

*** This will probably be a blog post in itself.

Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively

“Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

Just because I put on an unsanctioned race, I don't want to give you the impression that I am some radical anarchist.  I'm 45, wear a suit to work and I don't own a Guy Fawkes mask.  Sure, I lean a bit left when it comes to personal freedoms, but i think my beliefs lie closer to enjoying a dash of baileys in my coffee as I attend the thanksgiving day parade than they do with lobbing a molitov cocktails into a group of riot police.

You see rules are fine, necessary in fact, provided they make sense.  A good rule is well intentioned, clearly written, and correctly enforced with alignment to the original intention.

For example, the rule on disallowing triathlon style aero bars for mass start criteriums is a perfect example of good rule that is well intentioned to protect riders from a potentially dangerous situation (ie, triathletes riding in crits), well written, clear to enforce and effective.  Without this rule, every corner would be a bloodbath...kind of like Cat5!

I have a friend in law enforcement.  We've had conversations about how the red solo cup is more of a social contract between citizen and civil servant than is is a beverage receptacle.  You see, the cop is required by oath to enforce the laws.  If he sees me with a post race barley-pop in my hand, he can pinch me for Open Intoxicant, I pay a fine, and probably go on a sex-offenders list for the rest of my life because I tipped a pumpkin stout within 5,000 yards of a schoolyard. (Thank you, Nancy Regan!)  But, If I opt to keep my brew in a solo cup, and (this is the important part) am not acting like a shithead, Mr. police officer is not obligated to inquire as to what I am drinking.  Could be milk, could be pepsi, who knows.

But this is an example where the intention is good.  No one wants to expose kids to a drunk.  Unfortunately "zero tolerance" laws have taken context and discretion out of the situation.  Thank fully, selective enforcement has made the situation right.  Which is why we race in Detroit...Selective enforcement

Let me say, I have nothing against USA Cycling officials.  They have a job to do, and they do it well.  This year they have been very cool in a "just don't let me see it " kind of way.  I respect that.  I respect them.

When we first created this race, our intention was to poke fun at the rules of cyclocross, especially the arbitrary rules by pushing them just beyond their limits.  Kind of the way a child tests their limits.  It has become part of our charm.  Kind of like your red headed nephew that you describe as "precocious".  For example:

USA Cycling rule # 4A9 (d) Obstacles: 

 The course may include a maximum of 6 artificial obstacles.

We have seven.

Why seven?  Because n+1!   Because, like Nigel Tufnel's Marshall amplifier, this race "Goes to eleven"!  Because arbitrary limits stink!  And, I had a ton of spare paneling left over from remodling my upstairs.

The following is a list of USA Cycling rules that are blatantly ignored at the Detroit Invitational Cyclocross.  Please note, this list is not comprehensive.  To obtain a comprehensive list, please obtain a current copy of the USAC rule book, and ignore the thing altogether:

USA Cycling rule # 8A5(g)
Person with official responsibilities at race consuming alcoholic beverages or other intoxicants, is prohibited.

This is a precautionary measure so that I may accept those gracious donations that I find in my hand each year.  This year, USA Cycling modified the above rule with:

USA Cycling rule # 1N13:
“other intoxicants” added to alcohol as something not to be consumed by people in positions of responsibility at bike races. Acknowledges some recent legal changes in Colorado and Washington.

Is there anything more annoying than when the voice of the people is heard and a state law abolished, only to be undermined by lesser regulations

USA Cycling rule #8A5(h)
Person with official responsibilities at race laying a wager on outcome
of race is prohibited.

How did you think I pay for this thing without charging entrance fees?

USA Cycling rule #8A2(b) Competing without valid entry into race or fraudulent entry into race, or identity fraud. 

Now, I will admit that I am the asshole who once registered for Mad Anthony as "Lloyd Flandis".  My only regret is that I did not register as "Bom Toonen", which is a far better name.  (Seriously, my apologies to the Mad Anthony crew)   If you are not fond of your name and are far more comfortable with "Carlos Danger" I totally get it.  However as race promoter, I will have to add the following caveats:

1) If you are going to use the name of a pro racer, you better show up in character, in an authentic team kit or reasonable homemade facsimile thereof.
1A) If you register as Emily Batty, in addition to the team kit and be prepared to man the kissing booth for an hour following the race.
2) If more than one of you show up as the same pro, each racer will be asked to contribute a minor amount of money ($1 or $5), which  will be held by a race official and presented to the fastest competitor assuming that name, including the honor of being know as "the Real ______" for the remainder of the day. 

One of my favorite discoveries in the rule book is:

USA Cycling rule 4A13.
No acrobatics on the part of the riders shall be required to overcome obstacles. 

This rule is the driving force on why the tequila shot shortcut is not the "Keg Stand cut through"
Ok, that's not true... but it does open a world of possibilities of how can we require the riders to perform "acrobatics"to overcome obstacles.  I will tell Mike Belanger, the course designer, to get on that.

Surprisingly, the rule that we are most affiliated with violating, is not being broken.  This was a bit of discovery for me as well that technically, Hand offs are not explicitly banned.

Ladies and gentlemen, I submit to you "The Hand off rule"

USA Cycling rule 4A15:"Feeding is generally not permitted unless specifically authorized by the Chief Referee. If authorized, there is normally no feeding in the first two and final two laps of the race, and a temperature of at least 68 degrees is recommended. All feeding takes place in the pit lane, unless the Chief Referee specifies otherwise."

For those of you that don't speak legalese.  Whether or not hand-ups are allowed at a given race is entirely to the discretion of the Chief Referee.  So It is possible for the chief Official to make a ruling and allow hand ups for a given race.  Cat-4 men for example?

Alcohol is mentioned 11 times in the current rule book, but mostly in reference to providing it to a minor or use by an official on race day.  "Excessive use" is mentioned in the code of conduct, but handing a beer, to a rider, is not explicitly prohibited.

Maybe we should ask nicely at the next USAC race.

The Cx Czar.